Tiago, 24, Eastbourne

How did you know about abob?

I was studying at Leeds University and I got into some trouble with the police. I was 20 and I got into a fight. Eventually I was taken to court a few years later and by this time, I’d moved back to Eastbourne so I referred by a probation officer there.

What happened around the fight?

It was in Macdonald’s in Leeds, it was a Friday evening and somehow there was a fight. I was there with one friend and another also got involved. It shouldn’t have happened but it did. I was studying Sports Science and the effect of this fight changed my life in a way that I was totally not expecting. I had an interview at the time and I thought that was it but the police charged me three years later. I ended up with a criminal record which really deeply affected my life, I could no longer become a personal trainer, for instance. I got 300 hours of community service. I decided to become a barber as it was an easier profession for me at this stage.

So how were you at this point in 2024 when you’d been convicted?

I was shocked and lost. It was so unexpected – both the fight initially and the charge. It caused so much anxiety for me and my family. My probation officer recommended abob because he said they were men that I would find I could talk to. I went to one of the weekly meetings and I knew it was the right place for guidance.

How was your Rites of Passage weekend?

It was strange. I was very nervous about it. We had to give up our phones which felt challenging. Seeing young men tell their moving stories helped me open up. I found that I could be vulnerable and that was freeing although uncomfortable. I was able to take my walls down.

That weekend changed me. I was able to calm right down.

What effect has being in abob had on you?

A big one. Before I was alone and isolated. Now I have a community of men around me who truly support me. I am much more grounded and I know a lot more about myself, thanks to abob. I go to the weekly meetings and it’s really an honour to be there for other men too.

And how did your mentoring go?

I met up with Jon every week and we covered all sorts of topics including sex and relationships. It was a very supportive and helpful relationship and it still is. I really like Jon which helps.

What do your parents think of abob?

They really like that I go along. I talk about abob a lot. It has been a rock for me. I have changed and committed to it. I had a Homecoming Ceremony when I’d finished the rituals and my stepdad came along. I think he was proud of me. And my mum has just had a baby girl so she’s busy at the moment. They have all noticed the difference in me though. In that my mental health is so much better.