Joe, 25, chef, Falmouth

How did you come across Abob?

It was my mother who actually had someone tell her about abob and what they do. I was 21, had a drugs problem and was working in a big hotel in a new place, I had a mental breakdown. I thought I was worthless and tried to take my own life. It was terrible. And I tried again a couple of times before I was able to get support.

Who was your mentor?

Thurstan – who is the Regional Lead for the SW with abob – talked to me for four or five months as a mentor. I didn’t trust it all at first but I learnt to trust over those months. I learnt to open up which I’d never done before. I’d been so lonely so this was a new place for me.

Why was a male mentor so important for you?

Because I didn’t have a male role model around. My dad left when I was three. We were in Gran Carnaria and he just left me and my mum. It was very hard for us to get going again in the UK.

How was the Rites of Passage weekend for you?

It was a shock, I had no idea what was going to happen. And I’m quite a cautious person. I had to take a blind leap of faith and I did.

What did you take away from that weekend?

I was able to learn self-respect and more confidence in who I am. There’s one bit where you are asked what you want to change in your life. That really helped to focus me. The older men helped me navigate this question. I learnt to give myself compassion. I felt less depressed.

Did you trust men beforehand?

No, but after the rites of passage week, yes. I was ultimately seeking acceptance of who I was.

How were the weekly meetings?

Challenging. I’d never done anything like that before. They were very different for me. Sharing my feelings and how I truly was with a group of men. I also listen and learn a lot about their lives.

And you went and worked away as a chef?

Yes, to East Australia for a year. I guess it proved to me how independent and resourceful I could be. I started something new.

And then you came back to Cornwall?

Mainly to be near my mum. Then I moved to Falmouth. I started going to abob circles again.

Did your mother come to your homecoming ceremony?

She did and my grandmother. It was very special. It was emotional, I’d never had men appreciating me before.

What kind of abob community work are you involved in?

Next week there is a kayak sea clean up and it’s an opportunity for the younger men to talk in a one-to-one way with the older men as well as clear up the sea.

Didn’t you present your experience of abob at a fundraiser recently?

Yes, I stood up in front of 250 people and talked about my experiences with abob It was nerve-wracking but great. In London at the RAC club.

And have you staffed weekends?

I have cooked for the participants. That’s one way of giving back.

And what do you hope for yourself in the future?

I am looking forward to it without knowing how it’s going to turn out. Being okay with not knowing is such a good thing.