Tony Hill, 52, Business Improvement Coach, Portsmouth conductor

How did you find out about abob?

I volunteered at a vaccination centre throughout Covid and I really enjoyed being there instead of being isolated. It was great to be able to be sociable. At that time, I saw it on the Portsmouth HIVE website and saw an opportunity to volunteer to mentor young men. I’d been a mentor at work and I thought I could do that. Mind you, as soon I started the MIT (the mentor introduction training), I realised that the I had a lot of work to do on myself before I was ready to mentor a young man. 

And how was the Rites of Passage weekend for you?

It was one of the most profound experiences that I’ve ever had. To share deep thoughts and emotions with other men was extraordinary. The men I knew didn’t talk about their feelings. That really helped me.

Men are still brought up not to show their feelings. I realised that I was often there for everyone else but not myself. Men are still not good at crying. I realised I didn’t know how or when to ask for help and that has created some difficulties in my life.

How has abob Portsmouth been?

It’s been hard. We’ve struggled to find young men. I think abob being on Crimewatch really helped, as did being on the TV and radio. We’ve been getting more referrals. The thing is they have to want to do otherwise, they won’t do it. One of our young men – he was the former Ex Rels man for Portsmouth – demonstrates what abob work can do. He lackedconfidence and didn’t think he’d get into University. Now he’s studying his chosen course at his first choice university, and is doing very well. He’s had to overcome a number of challenges in his life, and hasn’t let these get in his way.

What has being a part in abob meant to you?

I have realised how many men have suicidal thoughts and how our mentoring and ROP can help them find and express the feelings underneath, often of feeling worthless or not enough.Often, fear of failure is a challenge, and they need to learn that failure is how we learn our most important lessons in life. So often these days, young people are abandoned by society. 

How have you personally benefitted?

I understand myself and my behaviour a lot more now. I am more tolerant of my shadow and more accepting when things don’t go perfectly. 

It’s also helped me in my relationships. I can talk about my intimate feelings now, have tough conversations and that has brought us closer. It’s so brilliant being part of a community where we can talk about what’s really going on for us. 

What are your aims re abob?

I’d like to make the processes sustainable so we can be there for more young men. I’d like us to grow because the work we do is so important. The young men are often thought of as pariahs by the rest of society, but they are often suffering a lot of pain in their lives. To witness these young men changing so dramatically is amazing. 

And you personally received an award from the High Sheriff for your charity work?

Yes. I feel uncomfortable about receiving awards but this was for my volunteering including with abob, and I’m very proud to be part of ABOB, and to lead our Portsmouth community of caring and dedicated volunteers.