Joe, 20, Portsmouth

How did you know about ABandOfBrothers?

Through the police station. It was on the wall there. I was arrested last year and I saw an abob poster. I was in the right place for personal change and I decided to refer myself.

What happened next?

I got a message saying they’d like to interview me. Out of that conversation, I was assigned a mentor.

How did the mentoring go?

It went amazingly well. Meeting with Tony and talking about stuff that I’d never really talked about like relationships, money and more, meant that I learnt to talk more freely than I’d ever done in my life. That was liberating. I suffer from social anxiety and this relationship helped me develop social skills. We met up once a week at a coffee shop and would have a theme every week. I’d never let someone into my life so quickly.

Why did you trust Tony?

Because he’s an interesting guy. It was the first time I’d really let a man into my world in that way. The money conversation really helped me, I save now and also I understand more about budgeting for food. I used to be very unknowing and unhealthy around money, I’d get £300 spend it all in one day, then have nothing left for the month. Now I’m different.

Tell me a bit about your family?

I lost my mum to heart failure back in 2021. I needed to talk about that but I don’t see my family so it was difficult. So it was good to be able to talk to Tony about it and her. The most important thing about my relationship with Tony is that I don’t feel judged by him.

And what about the Rites of Passage weekend?

Well, it was quite a big experience. I felt awkward there at times but it turned out well.

I was tired when I arrived on the Friday night and I felt uncomfortable being there. I hadn’t slept the night before. I had to sleep all day on Saturday. But Sunday was a good experience.

Did you find out anything new about yourself?

Yes, I found out what people were thinking about me. The good things, that is.

And what about the weekly meetings?

They’re great. It distracts my mind to focus on other people. I’m not fully opened up yet. But abob is helping with that and my confidence.

What about growing up?

I wasn’t good at school. I got kicked out of primary school. I was destructive, I’d be pushing tables over. Then during secondary school, my mum had heart problems so I stayed off to help her out. The school kept wanting me to go back but I couldn’t leave mum in her bedroom alone. She couldn’t even walk to the shops. Then in 2021, she died unexpectedly and my world changed. It tore me apart. I was living with her at the time. I went to live with a sister but she eventually threw me out. I felt very much on my own. I eventually had a foster carer but when I was 18, I had to leave.

Where did you live?

In supported accommodation but I kept getting moved on. Once I climbed up on to a roof, it was a call for help really. I ended up in custody at one point although I wasn’t sent to prison. I realised I had to turn my life around. Abob really helped with that.

What has happened to you since joining Abob?

I’m better at relationships and communication. It’s a cracking community. I’ve been helped with things I didn’t think I even needed. I would highly recommend it to young men who need some support.