How did you come across Abandofbrothers?

I am a trustee for the Cornwall Community Foundation – this is a foundation that exists nationally and gives out small grants – and someone there asked me to attend an abob Homecoming event. It was four years ago, and I didn’t know anything abob. I sat at the back of the room and there were about 100 people there. I had no idea what was about to unfold.

When the young men came on stage and told their stories, they were so profound in their accounts of transformation that they hit me right in the solar plexus. At the end, I found myself standing up – we were invited to but I had no idea what I was going to say – and offering to support them in whatever way I could. I felt propelled because I admired what courage it took for those young men to do that. And also I appreciated their courage to change. I felt envious of that. 

That was the beginning of my relationship with abob, the CCF gave them a grant and I got involved. I saw immediately that this work has a hugely beneficial effect on men’s mental health.

What happened next?

I was invited to join a weekly circle. By that time, I also had an abob mentor who advised me to just go along and see. It was very unfamiliar to me, I was totally out of my comfort zone. I was moved by sitting with various elders in abob and the young men. And I’m a white privileged male so I’ve never shared my feelings amongst a circle of men before. It was bizarre for me. But I felt a beautiful serenity emanating from the elders and that did it for me. I felt a sort of deep belonging and realised that is what had been missing from my life. I went on to do the Mentor training and the four agreements.

Have you done the rites of passage weekend?

Yes, twice. Once as a participant and then as a member of staff. I had no idea what I was going to but nothing could prepare you. But the reassuring thing is that this work comes from the heart. But it was witnessing the young men unshackle themselves that really moved me and motivated me. I saw them leave their shells behind and find their real selves. Then I saw the sadness and grief that they carry. 

That initial weekend was one of the most important in my life. I will forever reference it for the rest of my life.

Did you learn about your own vulnerability?

Yes, I did. As a CEO of a small business (Sipsmith gin) at the time, this was such an important learning. I became a much better listener which meant I was a better leader. I became much more empathetic and also learnt about accountability. And I learnt about my anger. I became a better husband and father too.

I’ve also mentored three young men now. 

Tell me a bit about your role as High Sheriff.

I made abob my single cause charity during my year’s tenure. That means I used my platform to shine a light on the brilliant transformative work that abob do and raise money for them. I have met all sorts of people like the Police and Crime Commissioner in this time and I always champion abob. In fact we’re having a special event at my house soon where lots of influential people including an MP have been invited and there will be an abob circle as part of it. 

How do you see your role as an Abob Patron?

I will be carrying on championing abob in this role and raising money.