Lee Kennedy, 42, car finance manager, Manchester

How did you know about abob?

I knew about it from Danny Foley who works in the same place as me. I just wasn’t ready for a long time. I was a child hiding behind a mask. I didn’t have any integrity but I wasn’t willing to look at that aspect of myself. But I saw how Danny had transformed himself and his life as an example. And eventually I decided I wanted to do the same. It was down to me to change but I didn’t know how.

What do you mean that you lacked integrity?

I was lying to get myself through the day. About what I was doing when I was with my partner. About where I was. About what I was drinking. About what drugs I was taking. I couldn’t face it all myself. But I was losing friends and my relationship.  My girlfriend and my kids moved to Ireland. I didn’t like the person that I’d become. I was hiding my depression. Drink was a safety blanket for me. Although in effect, the opposite. I got done for drink-driving three times!

How was your Rites of Passage weekend?

It felt intimidating at first but then I realised that other men were there doing the work and what that meant. They were showing their vulnerability. They were taking their masks off. I expressed all sorts of stuff in a way that I never had before. At these weekends, men are encouraged to become what you feel you can be in a higher sense. I learnt that what you see within you, you are. I opened up. It was a huge deal for me.

In the carpet work, I was able to lift off the burden I’d been carrying. It was such a great feeling. I opened up about my deceitfulness and what I’d been hiding. It was radical. I owned my shit. At last. I was able to step back and see different parts of myself. It was liberating. I learnt about the archetypes and what they meant inside me.

What was going on in the background for you?

I was lost. I lacked direction. I came from a single parent family, my dad walked out. I really have a stepdad as my dad. He arrived when I was 9 years old. I am very bonded with my mum. Growing up, my granddad was a big influence. I have a younger brother and I think the world of him.

What about your kids now?

They are 16 and 14 plus they live in Ireland but I see them. They come over to stay. They are stable and good. And I’m with a new partner now who also has two kids.

Are you sober now?

Yes, I gave up a couple of years ago. Abob men have supported me with this new stage of my life enormously. The main new skill I have is being able to open up. So I don’t need to hide anything anymore, I can speak it out. That means I don’t need a security blanket.

Have your family seen the changes in you?

Yes, especially my partner, Zoe. She’s seen that I no longer have to lie to get by. I have integrity now. I am the man that I saw Danny was. I am not ashamed of my behaviour. And now I want to be in service to others in that way. I lead by example these days. That feels so good.